Sunday, May 27, 2012
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Missing the Mark with Intercession
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But Moses interceded with the Lord his God: "Lord, why does Your anger burn against Your people You brought out of the land of Egypt with great power and a strong hand?"
Exodus 32:11 (HCSB)
I quoted this verse because it zeros in on Moses' Ministry of intercession. Moses had a relationship with God and through that relationship he was able to bring the message of God to others. The nature of that relationship with God put him in the unique position of intervening on the people's behalf. He also intervened by leading the people to enter a right relationship with God. It will take more that one or two posts to develop my ideas here. Some introductory thoughts would be: The ministry of intercession is at first a relationship with God through prayer empowered by His Holy Spirit. It is listening to God and bringing His message to others. It is prayerfully aligning yourself with God's purposes and praying for others (what it traditionally thought of being intercession) according to His will not your own. Finally it is acting on the spiritual wisdom or insight personally and/or leading others to see what God would have them do in their own lives. I will go into greater detail in future posts, but first I want to show what happens when we try to intercede on our own.
Years later, after Moses had grown up, he went out to his own people and observed their forced labor. He saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, one of his people. Looking all around and seeing no one, he struck the Egyptian dead and hid him in the sand.
Exodus 2:11-12 (HCSB)
Moses being raised by his own mother as a nurse maid on behalf of Pharaoh's daughter (See Exodus 2:8-10) clearly had time to learn about "his own people." Moses was stuck in between to worlds. He as adopted as a prince of Egypt and he was a Hebrew, who were slaves the Egyptians. No doubt his sense of justice was offended when he saw how the Hebrew people were being treated. In this scripture he sees an Egyptian assaulting a Hebrew. He no doubt became very angry (anger being the root of murder; See Matthew 5:21-22). He executed his own justice. He interceded on behalf of the Hebrew against the Egyptian. This was his intercession in the flesh.
The next day he went out and saw two Hebrews fighting. He asked the one in the wrong, "Why are you attacking your neighbor?" "Who made you a leader and judge over us?" the man replied. "Are you planning to kill me as you killed the Egyptian?" Then Moses became afraid and thought: What I did is certainly known. When Pharaoh heard about this, he tried to kill Moses. But Moses fled from Pharaoh and went to live in the land of Midian, and sat down by a well.
Exodus 2:13-15 (HCSB)
Moses then sees to Hebrews fighting. He decides to intervene again. This time as a peacemaker rather than judge and executioner. However, He still is working in the flesh. That is Moses is acting according to his own will and not the will of God. When he is confronted with the murder he has just committed he gives up on being a peace maker and becomes fearful of his own well-being. He runs away before Pharaoh can bring him to justice for the murder.
Now we may not go to the extreme case of murder in our attempts to intercede on behalf of others, but we can fall into the same traps. First Moses had a strong sense of right and wrong. He found that injustice was intolerable. Most of the time when we act it is to gain some benefit or to correct some wrong. He was moved to anger at the sight of injustice. We can also be moved to anger. Sometimes we believe that we are even doing the right thing. In some ways we become minor deities in which we play the role of God in others lives. "I know what is best for you, so listen to me." This is intercession according to the flesh. Intercession according to the flesh can have disastrous results.
At times we insert ourselves into a conflict between people with the intent of being a peace maker. Blessed are the peace makers after all (Matthew 5:9), right? Notice without seeking God he determined in his heart who was wrong and confronted him. How often do we quickly make up our mind when two people are in dispute about who is in the wrong. Another not so obvious thing to note is that these two Hebrews did not ask for him to intervene nor did Moses get their consent to do so. How often in our own sense of wisdom (really just puffed up know nothingness) we tell others what we think. This is offensive and rarely received. In this case the intercession fails miserably. This is intercession based on self-wisdom. Intercession based on what you know (without God's wisdom) is ineffective.
Moses had much to learn before God could use him to intercede for a nation. God has longsuffering when it comes to our shortcomings and weaknesses. He allows for us to make our mistakes that we might come to the end of ourselves and then turn to Him. I plan to show over the next several posts to show through the life of Moses what a ministry of intercession looks like. I pray that God give me the words to write and that His Spirit would illuminate your soul in this very important ministry.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Coping with Anger
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There are times in which the situation that has you upset is not going to change or at least not change in the short term. It is at these times that we have to learn to cope and work through the difficulty. Here are some strategies for coping with anger.
Express Feelings through�
We have an extraordinary ability to channel strongly held emotions in to all kinds of activities. We can do this with anger. The possibilities are as varied as people are varied. I tend to express my feelings through writing. But you could also write music, make music, create art and so on.
Go for a walk
Walking often takes you away from the anger provoking situation. It lets cooler heads to prevail. It also uses up some of the excess energy that comes from being upset. When you walk try to clear your mind using CALM MIND.
Physical Exercise and/or sports
Doing something physical helps to release the energy and can also be a acceptable way to release anger. A little bit of an edge can be gained through anger. I know that when I am lifting weights for example I can lift a little more weight or a couple more sets when I have been angry.
Continue to relax
Relaxed and angry states are incompatible. That is to say you cannot be physiologically angry and calm at the same time. Here are some ways to practice relaxation.
Avoiding trouble
"Don't do it, Don't say that!" Your conscience is sounding off the alarm and you just plow right through with your own way. Ever done that? Well it seems silly to point this out, but in reality we need the reminder. Approaching troublesome situations while you are feeling angry it a bit like pouring gasoline on a fire.
Setting Healthy Boundaries
Sometimes our anger comes from the fact that we have not set healthy boundaries for ourselves. We want to say, "NO!" but cave to other's desires at the expense of our own well being. In this case the anger is resentment toward the other person for taking advantage of us. We bear some of the responsibility. If we become good at setting boundaries with others then we can avoid situations where we reluctantly go along with things that hurt ourselves in the end. Boundaries can be hard to set for someone that has been reluctant to do so. First you have to guard your heart. If people can hurt you at a heart level you are unlikely to set firm boundaries. Then you have to give yourself permission to say "NO." Next you have to learn to be assertive in a positive way rather than passive or aggressive way. Finally you have to be clear and firm with what your boundaries are. I think the topic of boundaries deserves a post to itself. Maybe in the near future I will do some on the topic.
Humor
Humor is good medicine. You may not feel like it when you are upset, but humor can lift the spirits. Whether it is you adding a little levity to a tense situation or if it is finding something humorous to be entertained with. There is a strong indication in research that humor is one characteristic of a mutually satisfying marriage. I believe that humor keeps us out of the hurtful bitterness that comes from unresolved anger.
Personal Reflection
Sometimes when we are annoyed and irritated it is not clear to us why. Sometimes we are upset with ourselves and we take it out on others. Sometimes we are just plain selfish. In these cases I believe personal reflection is in order. Finding the root cause of your anger even if it is yourself or is a reflection of self-centeredness is useful in sorting things out. Personal reflection can take the form of meditation over the situation to understand (not stew or blame). It can be through writing it down (in a journal or a log). The goal is to be more aware of your thoughts and pay attention to your internal dialogue.
Meditation on Scriptures
I find that the Bible is like a mirror to the soul. We look into a mirror to fix our hair and see our faces. But we do not see the deeper self, our soul. When we look into scriptures and we allow God's Holy Spirit to do His work the Bible becomes a powerful force in our lives to reveal our inner nature. Meditation on scriptures not only is revealing, but it is also transformative. Meditation will take your anger and change it to love and forgiveness.
Forgiveness
The highest act we can do in our lives is to forgive one who has offended us. Forgiveness is an act of the will choosing to live peaceably with consequences of someone else's missing the mark (sin). In so far as it is possible with you you choose to live at peace with the person who has offended (Romans 12:18). Forgiveness is not saying what someone has done to hurt you is right. Forgiveness is not the elimination of external consequences. Forgiveness is not putting yourself back into a situation to be hurt again.
Unforgiveness hurts you more than it hurts the person you do not forgive. In reality the person you refuse to forgive does not likely think of how they offended you. If they were thoughtful of you then they would not have offended you in the first place. Or if they do care about how they offended then they would have quickly sought reconciliation. As it is when you hold on to the hurt it becomes bitterness and bitterness becomes despair and despair robs you of life.
In the end anger is a complex and rich emotion. We have to learn to respect and use anger in a healthy way. Anger itself is not bad, but much evil can come from anger if we let it. On the other hand if we use anger to push us to greater action and to transform our lives and the lives of others then it can be a force for much good. The choice it yours. What will you do the next time you are affected by this passionate emotion we call "anger."
God Bless You
~BJ
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Problem Solving
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In dealing with anger you can recognize that you are angry, cool down, and turn your mind so that you are thinking more clearly, yet still in the end have a legitimate problem that needs to be addressed. In this post I would like to outline a few things that you can do to solve a problem that is triggering your anger.
Seek Wise Counsel
Without guidance, people fall, but with many counselors there is deliverance.
Proverbs 11:14 (HCSB)
It is interesting to me that when I am angry it seems that "I know best." Yet when I have had a chance to cool off I often realize how foolish I really was. One way to solve problems is to seek out counsel from someone that has had good life experience and knows how to handle your situations. Go to an expert in the problem you are dealing with and ask them. It could be a family member, friend, pastor, teacher, professional counselor, or other wise person. Having a problem to solve ought not hinder us. It is a great opportunity to learn and grow. Going to someone that is in the know will lead you to effective action.
Ask for What You Need
We are often angry because there is something that we are deprived of. This is a frustration form of anger. However, many times the thing that we need or desire is not verbalized. It is unfair to the person that I perceive has neglected me if I have never expressed the need or desire. In fact unstated expectations are poison to a relationship. Learn to express your need confidently and calmly. Often just stating your need or desire is all that is needed. Admittedly there are times when this will not work. Do not take possible rejection as a reason to keep your expectations silent. Also learn to negotiate (See Below). Give to get is often a good approach to getting needs met. If you are going to ask for something be prepared to explain what you are willing to do for their benefit.
Say "No" If Needed
Learning to say "No" is a critical part of setting healthy boundaries in relationships. If you need to say no, but end up going along with or doing the thing that you do not believe is best or right then you set yourself up. Initially it may feel like the right thing, like avoiding a fight for example. However, over time not setting a boundary will lead to feelings of resentment. If these feelings of resentment are not dealt with then it can lead to bitterness.
Negotiate With Others
Often when we are angry we fall into either/or win/lose my way/your way thinking. This type of thinking lends itself to prolonged conflict as each side works to convince the other side that they are right. It also tends to keep us in the mind set that either I win or you wind, but one of us is going to lose. This is a very unfortunate frame of mind. The biggest problem is that it is most likely a false dilemma. Most of the time any problem that people face in a relationship will have a multitude of possibilities to resolve the problem. In fact no two people will solve the same interpersonal problem in the same way. So to think there are only two ways of looking at the problem you are facing (really just one "My Way") then you really are stretching it a bit. Why not three, four, or five ways. Your so busy arguing for your way that maybe you missed the best way which would be the sixth way.
First to negotiate you have to resolve to think that my way may not be the best way. This does not automatically mean the other person has the best way either. Perhaps both of your ideas stink. But you are so locked in on arguing a bad idea you would never no it. Second you have to be willing to understand the good points of the other person. Then you have to be willing to offer suggestions that take the best of both points of view to solve the problem. Finally you have to willing to let go of some of the things you wanted in order to get some of the other things that you wanted. Fact is the only way to always get what you want is to live in total isolations, but then you may want to be around people so even then you would not get what you want.
Opposite Action "Do something nice."
A secret gift soothes anger.
Proverbs 21:14 (HCSB)
This one usually gets funny looks when I say it. Fact is doing something nice for someone that you are upset with soothes his/her anger, but it also soothes your own anger.
Pros and Cons of Change
When you have a problem to solve it is always a good idea to consider both the benefits and drawbacks of making a change. Especially negotiated change. The reason is that the first time one of the drawbacks comes up you are likely to say, "See I told you we should have done it my way." Fact is that what ever change you make it will have benefits and it will have drawbacks. The best change is one that maximizes the benefit for all involved and minimizes the drawback as well as distributes the drawbacks fairly.
Put Energy Into Something that has Purpose and Meaning
There are times when the best thing you can do is put the energy that anger creates to good use. Finding meaning and purpose in the midst of a difficult time will help to channel your efforts into a productive outcome. Sometimes the activity can be somewhat trivial (eg yardwork). At other times the activity could be profound (eg social advocacy). What ever you do, don't just sit there and stew in your anger. Get up a do something.
Prayer and meditation can be very helpful in finding meaning and purpose in life's difficult moments.
Four Problem Solving Steps
- Define the Problem
When defining the problem avoid defining it as a person. When you define a problem as a person then you give all your power to change to the person you are upset with! The definition of the problem should be something that is within your power to change.
- Brainstorm solutions
Come up with as many ideas as you can. Do not evaluate them at first no matter how silly they might seem. The idea is to be creative as possible. You can also ask others for ideas.
- Pick one or more to try out
You want to pick the one you are most likely to do and with greatest potential for success.
- Evaluate how you did
Did your solution work? If it did make a note of it. You will likely solve similar problems in the future using the same or similar idea. If it did not work go back to the beginning and make sure you have defined the problem correctly. Then go through the other steps again.
Chances are that solving the problem that is triggering your anger will take more effort than any one of these ideas on there own. However, if you practice these you will become an effective problem solver.
God Bless You
~BJ
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Dealing with Anger TOC
This is a Table of Contents for Posts that I have written about dealing with anger.
| Anger Defined | Biology of Anger |
| Ring of Anger (Unhelpful Actions) | The Soul and Anger |
| Path To Peace (Helpful Actions) | Surrender |
| Steps to Dealing with anger: Step 1: Recognizing Anger Step 2: Relaxation (cooling down) Step 3: Changing Angry Thoughts With a CALM MIND Step 4: Problem Solving or Coping | |
| Biblical Perspectives on Anger: | |
| Proverbs on Anger | Raising Cain |
| Slow to Anger | Anger: The Story of Esther |
| Burning Anger | God's Anger |
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Nobody likes to be around a grump
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Sometimes stating the obvious is the only way to go. Times we try to make life and relationships much more complicated than they need to be. If you are having a hard time relating to someone and you care to make a change why not start with your own attitude toward that person. It seems that we can always make room to be civil to the annoying telemarketer when the phone rings, but with the people that we care about they get the raw ugliness of our spirit. Sometimes just making a simple attitude adjustment is all the world.
Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited, does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5 (HCSB)
Hmmm. A little kindness will go a long way.
A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.
Proverbs 15:1 (HCSB)
You see it does no good to let your irritations hang out. Being a grump and pointing out someone's faults (or even thinking about their faults) is about as likely to make them want to be around you as to be around a skunk. Your attitude stinks.
"But they started it." Come on now did you learn to get over that in the sand box days. Probably not. I know that if I do not remind myself I easily fall into this kind of thinking.
So give it a try. Love, patience, kindness, and gentleness will go a long way toward making things better.
God Bless You
~BJ
Friday, December 31, 2010
Calming the Mind (MIND)
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In the last post we talked about Contentment, Acceptance, Loving, and Mindfulness as a way to calm the mind. This is a way to deal with angry and worried thoughts. In this post I want to take this idea further and address Meditation, "I AM Worth it", Nurture, and Diversion as a way to deal with this type of thinking.
Meditation
I have previously posted on the subject of meditation here. Meditation is a contemplative awareness of your own thoughts, others, around you, and most importantly God. It is a deeper way of knowing what is going on. It is a discipline that requires much practice to become good at. Do not expect to meditate once and have calmness as a result. In fact meditation may take as long as three weeks practicing every day before a person starts to see the benefit.
I AM Worth it
OK I cheated on this one. I borrowed "I AM Worth it" from Dr. Redford Williams1. I AM Worth it is an acronym that helps you to remember four important questions.
Important: Is this important?
Appropriate: Is my anger appropriate for the given situation
Modify: Can I change my situation?
Worth it: Is change worth the effort?
Answering "Yes" to all of these would show that you have a problem to solve. Armed with this insight you can focus your energy toward an effective and productive solution. On the other hand answering "No" to any of these would show that you have a problem to cope with. This would mean that you need to find a way to get through and resolve your angry feelings.
Nurture
It is much easier to grow when there is someone to give you instruction, support, and encouragement. His/her nurturance is a powerful influence for growth. What can you do though when you are not with someone who can cheer you through the difficult moment. One thing to do is to develop some short phrases that you can say to yourself that will help you to self-nurture to a better outcome. Some suggestions for self-nurture comments would be:
"I can do this."
"I have faced situations more difficult than this before."
"When I figure this out I will be a better person."
"If I watch my reaction then I am effective in the way I respond"
"Cool Down."
"Take it easy."
"I am almost through this."
"I can to all things through Christ who strengthens me."
Maybe you can think of some of your own. The key to self-nurture statements is repetition. In the heat of the moment you do not want to search for the words. You want the words to come naturally. So identifying the phrases for yourself and practicing them is a good way to remember them.
Diversion
Diversion is a quick way to get the mind off of an angry moment. The way that it works is to find an activity that can get your mind off of things. Some might read a book, listen to music, do housework. For me doing yard-work is a good place to get my mind off of frustrations. A word of caution though; it does not work to divert your action, but leave your mind dwelling on the situation. The goal of the diversion is to get your mind off of the situations so that you calm down. One problem with using diversion all the time is that it becomes the bad habit of avoidance. If you have a problem that you are avoiding you will never solve the problem. Sometimes diversion for the moment, but then return to the problem at hand and addressing it is the best course of action compared to having an angry outburst.
What would it take for you to have a "CALM MIND?" Contentment, Acceptance, Loving, Mindfulness, Meditation, "I AM Worth it," Nurturance, and Diversion only work as you practice them. Having the idea of doing something is not the same as doing it. Trying it once is not the same as doing it well. If you want the have a CALM MIND it will take practice, repetition, and consistency. If make this commitment then you will find that you are able change your angry thoughts to more helpful and productive thinking. In the end you will cope and problem solve more effectively, which is something that I believe we can all work on.
God Bless You
1Duke Health Medicine Health Line (Nov. 26, 2007). Why Anger Kills. DukeHealth.org. Retrieved December 31, 2010, from http://www.dukehealth.org/health_library/health_articles/whyangerkills
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Calming the Mind (CALM)
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Equally if not more important to calming the body in the heat of anger would be calming the mind. It is the mind that invents all manner of evils (and goods) to hoist upon those that we are most passionate about (good or bad). Without calmness of the mind one risks acting out rashly, harshly, with vengeance even when it is done with premeditation. This is not a direction we want to go. Thoughtful? Yes! Intentional? Yes! Hurtful? No! Destructive? Definitely not! When cooler heads prevail you will nearly always regret the latter two, but you can nearly always celebrate the first two.
How do we move to be more calm of mind? I think there are several concepts that need to be explored in having a "CALM MIND": Contentment, Acceptance, Loving, Mindfulness, Meditation, Improve, Nurture, Diversion.
Contentment
I know both how to have a little, and I know how to have a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need.
Philippians 4:12 (HCSB)
This is quite a statement. First, I tells me that contentment is a learned way of being. If you learn something know how to do it not the same as doing it nor doing it well. These things take intentional practice to do them well. Contentment falls into that category. Contentment is the quietness of soul that comes over a person when all is well. Yet Paul is writing the Philippians here that he has learned contentment in "any and all circumstances." So the second thing I learn is that true contentment is not tied to external circumstances. He takes it further and says, "whether well fed or hungry." True contentment is not tied to getting some need met. This is quite extraordinary. If you ask someone what is contentment they will always point to some peaceful external circumstance or getting some need satisfied. Yet Paul is saying plainly that there a contentment that is greater than these. How does he do that? Four things that he does: he trusts in his relationship with Christ (Philippians 4:13); he prays (Philippians 4:6-7); he is thankful (Philippians 4:4, 10); and he meditates on the good things in life (Philippians 4:8). Now each of these may be difficult to do in the moment that you are angry, but remember this is a discipline that you want to learn well. More on Contentment here: Christian Mindfulness (Contentment)
Acceptance
Acceptance is the act of receiving something. Often we do not like things or we believe they are unjust or unfair or are not what we want. Accepting something you do not want is like drinking vinegar. Non-acceptance is the rejection of something. Now if that something is a circumstance then acceptance means that you receive the circumstance as it is. Not that you judge it to be good, but that you acknowledge it is what it is. You stop fighting against reality and come into contact with it as it is. If the something is a person, then you accept them as they are, the good and the bad. Not that you desire that they stay that way or that the nature of your relationship has to stay the same, but you accept them as a human being with shortcomings even as you are a human being with shortcomings.
As a Christian my acceptance is rooted in my acceptance of Jesus Christ as the Lord (in charge of) and Savior (rescuing me from my shortcomings) of my life. My acceptance of my circumstances and of others is rooted in this truth. That God accepts me through the relationship that I have with His Son Jesus Christ. God's acceptance of me and my acceptance of Him becomes the foundation of my acceptance of people and events in my life. I also note the the reverse is true. There are times when my acceptance of God is diminished. At those time my acceptance of circumstances and people also diminishes.
I often share this analogy when it comes to acceptance:
Imagine that you go home and your bedroom has been painted your least favorite color. You are shocked and disgusted by the color so you close your eyes and pretend like it is not painted that color. Your quickly find your way to the door and refuse to reenter the room until it is dark. Not turning on the lights you get ready for bed and go to bed. The next morning you wake up and open your eyes to discover much to your dismay that the room is still that ugly color. You again close your eyes and find your way to the door and leave. You again refuse to go into the room until it is dark to avoid seeing that ghastly color. You do this a second night, a third night, a week, two weeks, a month, two months. Let me ask you, "What color is the room?" For all that effort and energy over the last couple of months the room color has not changed and you are most likely more miserable than when you started. This is non-acceptance. It is only through acceptance that you can actually do something about the color of the room.
Not accepting something does not change it. Accepting something gives the possibility of change. One of the hardest things to accept is that there are some things that are beyond your ability to control. I have this diagram to help understand what I have control over, what I have influence over, and what I have neither control or influence over. Trying to control something that you do not have control over is frustrations. Accepting things you have no control over, accepting that some situations at best you have influence over and focusing your energy on things you have control over is effectiveness.
Loving
Passionate anger as a force meets it's match with passionate love. Loving in the midst of anger seems to be foreign to most if not all of us. I have previously posted on Agape Love here: The Greatest of these is Love, 1 Corinthians 13: What is Love?, Love: Going Deeper in the Word. Let me say this where love abounds you cannot go wrong. Where anger abounds you cannot avoid going wrong.
Mindfulness
I personally advocate Christian mindfulness. Christian Mindfulness at its core is contemplative awareness by the Spirit (1 Corinthians 2:15). Contemplation is an act of the will which requires that we be fully engaged in the present moment and dependent on God's Holy Spirit. Contemplation is where what we know meets what we experience. It is the process of wisdom.
Beginning with awareness of your signals and triggers you move into greater awareness of the circumstance (awareness of environment or of the moment), Person or people that are involved (awareness of relationships), and prayerfully aware of what God is doing to work through this circumstance (spiritual awareness). When we are able to enter into the "peace of God" we achieve Christian Mindfulness.
Mindfulness not only involves greater awareness, but also increased potential to act effectively. When it comes to anger it will allow you set aside selfish desires and see the most beneficial and effective course of action. More on this here: Awareness of Self (Effectiveness).
Well I have covered the CALM part of CALM MIND. I hope that I can get back to the second half soon. I am not sure as it will be busy the next couple of days and I want to thoughtfully and mindfully describe Meditation, Improve, Nurture, Diversion. My hope is that these posts are helpful in dealing with anger. I will be putting up a Table of Contents as soon as I have worked through this series. Please be in prayer for me as I consider writing a book. I am sensing that this is the direction to go for me, but I still have reservations (Grammar being one of them). My hope is to present something that helps me to fulfill the mission:
To live and challenge others to live excellent, fulfilling, and authentic lives.
I hope that is what this blog is doing for you as well. Thank you for your prayers and readership. You all are a blessing to me!
~BJ
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
OK I'm Angry So Now What? (Learning Relaxation)
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Once a person has recognized their triggers and signals, what does he/she do next? I have previously posted on the Biology of Anger here. In short it difficult to overcome biology. When you are angry your fight or flight response needs to be quieted. This is primarily accomplished through relaxation (see here for some ideas).
Relaxation and intense anger are incompatible states. The idea is to become so good at relaxation that you can sort of turn it on. Some people mistake relaxation to be an event. For example: "I can't wait for the weekend so I can relax." or "I will finally be able to relax on vacation." or "When I lay down I can relax." The problem with this view is that relaxation is tied to your external circumstances. Relaxation is not of any particular use if you are angry about your situation. The situation is not relaxing by definition. However, relaxation is not an event. It is a skill and a state of mind.
I don't say this out of need, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.
Philippians 4:11 (HCSB)
Contentment is relaxation of the soul. If Paul has learned how to be content in whatever circumstances he is in the I firmly believe that we can do the same.
Start with relaxing the body. There are many strategies for relaxation. I have written about a few that I have used with people in my counseling practice. Here are a few more ideas. The goal is to find one that works for you and practice it every day.
By practicing it everyday you accomplish at least three things.
First you learn to recognize tension. by recognizing the difference between a relaxed and tense state you can add this to your awareness of signals for anger.
Second you lower your set level of tension. We all have a general level of tension in our day to day life. Some people's level is higher and others lower. By lowering you set level of tension you give yourself more room to respond over reacting. Think of it this way if you are already highly tense then it will not take much additional stress from your circumstance to push you into a negative reaction. But if you are lower in tension from practicing relaxation then it will take more stress to push you to a negative reaction, which will give you more time to effectively respond.
The third thing that practicing relaxation accomplishes is that you get better at it. Think of an activity that you get better at with more practice. The same is true for relaxation. In fact the better you get at relaxation the more effectively you can use it in a tense moment.
I have had people tell me in counseling, "I have tried those relaxation strategies and they do not work for me." When I ask them when the tried it they respond, "When I got angry of course." There is a problem in this thinking. If you are a basketball player and the only time you take shots at the basket is during a basketball game you are not going to me a good basketball player. To be good at something takes practice. Some activities take a lot of consistent practice. Relaxation is one of those activities in my opinion.
Practicing relaxation has many health benefits as well. Give it a try. Notice the sense of well-being that comes through effectively relaxing.
God Bless You
Monday, December 20, 2010
Recognizing Anger
Image by Getty Images via @daylife
If you travel through life ignoring the signals or triggers for your anger it is a bit like driving while ignoring stop signs. Eventually you will get into trouble or in to a serious accident. There are three types of anger signals: Body signals, thought signals, and actions signals. Triggers are the situations that typically result in you feeling angry.
Body signals are the sensations that you feel when you are angry. These sensations are automatic (see previous post). Most people will feel hot, some sweaty, nausiated, headache, muscle tension, beathing hard, and so on. The trick is to be more aware of your personal signals. If you recognize that you are feeling angry then you can identify your body signals by thinking over the previous several minutes and becoming more aware of how you feel physically. The tendency is to short change this awareness by simply stating, "I feel angry." This is usually a thought or at least an emotion. But awareness involves being more aware of how your body feels over just knowing that you are angry.
Thought signals are the automatic thinking that occurs when you are angry. For example: Someone cuts you off in traffic and you think, "You idiot you are going to get someone killed." That is an automatic thought. These automatic thoughts often fit a similar pattern across various settings. The most common pattern is to label people or situations with deregulatory language. There can also be emotionally charged words like hate, pissed off, F%$# you, sucks, and so on. Each person has their own pattern in thinking when they are angry. The trick is to recognize your own. Another common pattern of angry thinking is the just/unjust (either-or thinking). You let some perceived injustice be the justification for your anger. When in reality it is more likely the other way around. It is the perception and not the event itself that is triggering your anger. For example: What if I told you that the person that cut you off in traffic was taking his child the emergency room because she is very ill. You would change your thinking, "Be careful I hope that your daughter gets better. That feeling is compassion over anger. What changed? Your thinking.
Action signals are the behaviors that you do when your angry. Often others will recognize our action signals long before we are aware of them ourselves. If you are bold you can ask others to help you identify your signals when they observe them. It might be better to ask them to tell you when you are not angry at the time. Telling someone their anger signals while they are angry is usually met with defensiveness. Some typical action signals are: raised voice, complaining, slamming objects, stomping, arguing, clenched fist, clenched jaw, punching, kicking, and so on. Each person has actions that tend to be typical when they are angry. The goal is to become aware of some of the early signals before your anger leads to the more aggressive ones. Another way to catch action signals in the moment is when someone says "Why are you angry?" Rather than the automatic, "I am not angry." You can say, "What am I doing that makes you think that?" Most people that we are close with are perceptive of our moods and will be able to identify our anger long before we are aware of it.
Triggers are the situations or people that can pretty reliable result in our anger. Being aware of our triggers is beneficial in two ways. We can learn to avoid unnecessary situations. Avoiding an angry situation is wise. Anger in the raw rarely solves anything. If avoidance is not possible then awareness of our triggers allows us to be prepared to take positive action. You can plan ahead what you are going to do if that trigger happens. Planning ahead for angry situations or dealing with people that push our buttons is effectiveness. Not planning is foolish because you will likely fall into habitual behaviors that have not been effective in the past.
Being aware of signals and triggers is the first step in coping with or resolving your anger. If you miss this step you are much less likely to be successful in dealing with anger. If you do this step then you will be much more prepared to respond rather than react when anger comes your way.
God Bless You
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Path to Peace
Returning back to my posts on anger, I previously posted on the ring of anger. The ring of anger keeps anger going without resolution. Just avoiding the things that are unproductive and unhealthy with anger does not resolve the feeling of anger. I would even go further and say that unless you do something with the anger you are likely "stuffing it."
The path of peace is a better way to handle the feelings of anger. Remember it is not anger that is good or bad it is the way you handle it that makes it good or bad. The four ways that are the path to peace are Show it positive (express it), Shape it, Sort it out, and/or Surrender it.
Show It Positive (Express It)
Since you put away lying, Speak the truth, each one to his neighbor, because we are members of one another. Be angry and do not sin. Don't let the sun go down on your anger, and don't give the Devil an opportunity.
Ephesians 4:25-27 (HCSB)
One of the signs of emotional maturity is the ability to express feelings in a healthy manner. Expressing anger in a mature, clear, and healthy way is very difficult. Part of the reason is that when you are angry the thinking/planning/organizing/rationalizing part of your brain is slowed way down. The other part of your brain is sending the signal "punch this guy" or "run away." The rational part of your brain is lucky to guide that into a verbal response which usually results in a verbal attack or quiet seething. While the verbal response is desirable to a physical attack it is lacking in emotional maturity.
Expressing emotions like anger in a mature manner involves several steps. First you have to be aware that you are angry. That might seem funny to you, but most people that struggle with anger are not aware of their anger until after they have said or done something that they regret or hurt another person. You may have said or been told in a loud angry tone, "I AM NOT ANGRY!" It is the contradiction that demonstrates a lack of awareness. The second step is understanding why you are angry. "What is the trigger?" "What do I believe about the situation?" "Do I understand why I am feeling this way?" After you are aware of and understand your anger, then it is time to put it into words. The typical suggestion is "When" (Fill in the trigger) "happens I feel angry." There are many words that describe the feeling of anger that can be applied to different types of anger as well as different intensities of anger. Find the right word. It might be helpful to learn a vocabulary of anger (more in a future post).
Shape It
A ruler can be persuaded through patience, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.
Proverbs 25:15 (HCSB)
In 1980 13-year-old Cari Lightner was killed by a drunk driver. Candy Lightner was devastated by the loss, as any parent would be. She learned that the man that had killed her daughter would not spend much (if any) time in jail. She felt enraged and helpless. Candy her mother promised herself that she would not let her daughter's death be meaningless. Later that same year Candy formed Mother's Against Drunk Drivers (MADD) on September 5, 1980 (Cari's Birthday).
Anger is a powerful force. Undirected it is destructive to the victim and the perpetrator. But if that force can be channeled it becomes an unstoppable movement for positive change. How does one woman's anger become an international movement? It is in the quality of shaping your anger to a positive outcome. Now you may not start a national movement (or maybe you might), but you can use that same force to accomplish some good in your life and the life of others. It takes support from friends and family. A willingness to let go of the destructive side of anger, and an unwavering commitment to see that anger motivate you to greater action. It will take greater effort and thoughtfulness, but the wonderful thing about anger is how incredibly motivating it is. Use that motivation or energy to do something positive. It could be as simple as using it for an intense physical workout at the gym or as dramatic as starting a movement that radically changes your world. Whatever it is channel it into something good!
Sort It Out
But I tell you, everyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. And whoever says to his brother, 'Fool!' will be subject to the Sanhedrin. But whoever says, 'You moron!' will be subject to hellfire. So if you are offering your gift on the altar, and there you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Reach a settlement quickly with your adversary while you're on the way with him, or your adversary will hand you over to the judge, the judge to the officer, and you will be thrown into prison.
Matthew 5:22-25 (HCSB)
Once a person has understood there anger it is beneficial to do something to sort it out. Sorting it out will often involve going to the person that you have offended or who has offended you. If you desire to sort it it out you have to approach the situation with a sincere desire to make things right. It will not work if you go with the intent of justifying hurtful, harsh, or demanding manner then it will not likely work. But if you go with grace, leniency, and a desire for reconciliation then you can have hope of sorting it out. The process of sorting things out can be very complicated and difficult. It can also be very time consuming. Often it is not immediate so patience is a must. What is more is sorting things out with another assumes that the other person is in a place to want to do the same. Demanding that a person who is not ready to sort things out with you cooperate with your effort and "good will" is a sure recipe for frustration and increased anger. This will further strain the relationship. Just remember this:
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Try to do what is honorable in everyone's eyes. If possible, on your part, live at peace with everyone.
Romans 12:17-18 (HCSB)
If it is not possible or if it is not practical to sort it out with another person sometimes you can sort out your anger by your self or with a trusted person than can listen to you and give honest feedback. The goal of sorting it out on your own is to take your understanding and awareness to a deeper level. Greater understanding will help you then to identify the things that you can change in yourself or in your environment to avoid triggers or resolve the anger that you experience. Sorting it out will often lead to some level of acceptance for the way things are. Not that you have to judge the situation as just, fair, or good, but that you accept it. Once you are able to accept it then you can move to the next stage on the path to peace.
Surrender It
I view surrendering anger from a spiritual view point. It is hard for me to imagine surrendering anger from any other perspective. I see surrender as different than forgetfulness or not bringing it back up. Forgetfulness (if such a thing is possible) is unmindful. It is a type of self-denial. You have to forget being hurt and constantly work a releasing the hurt over and over and over again. This may not be so hard for minor offences, but when someone has deeply hurt you this constant state of trying to release the hurt is in itself hurtful. You have to deny you hurt, but how do you deny what you feel. You have to deny yourself. Self-transcendence is an extremely difficult road to take. Few (if any) ever arrive. When you fail at this self-denial then you are likely to beat up your self or have others beat you up emotionally by saying, "Why can you just get over it." Not bringing it back up is also a type of self-denial. Forgetfulness denies how you feel. Not bringing it back up denies what you think. You are reminded of the thing that made you angry and think on it, but do not express it. You try to push it away from your awareness. What I think happens is that the thought that is put away in an effort to not bring it up lies in our sub-conscious waiting until some other event reawakens our awareness of the thought. Often this repeated awakening of the angry thought intensifies every time and eventually leads to resentment and/or forceful expression of the angry thought in some future discussion.
So what then if denying how you think or feel does not lead to resolution then how does one take this path to peace? Surrender is the key.
| sur-ren-der: | to yield (something) to the possession or power of another |
| to give oneself up, as into the power of another; submit or yield |
I use surrender in both senses of giving an object up as well as giving one's self up. The object that you surrender is anger. You yield or turn over the anger to the power of another. To whom or what do you surrender the anger to? Well I am convinced that spiritually speaking no one can receive someone else's anger by way of surrender. It can only be received by another person through force, retaliation, or retribution. I believe that only God can receive our anger by way of surrender. Consider that surrendering anger to God is being obedient.
Friends, do not avenge yourselves; instead, leave room for His wrath. For it is written: Vengeance belongs to Me; I will repay, says the Lord.
Romans 12:19 (HCSB)
What is more surrendering your anger to God is a statement that you trust Him to work it out for the best. When I try to avenge my anger I am just as likely to be angry in an unjustified or extreme way. God on the other hand will execute justice in perfection. What is more if the person is repentant it gives you a path toward restored relationship. If you do not surrender your anger then even if the other person comes to you and says, "I am sorry" you will not have freedom to reconcile until you surrender your anger.
Surrendering involves self-surrender. First you submit to God.
But He gives greater grace. Therefore He says: God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Therefore, submit to God. But resist the Devil, and he will flee from you.
James 4:6-7 (HCSB)
Then you submit to others.
Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.
Philippians 2:3-4 (HCSB)
Even submit to those that are against you.
But I tell you, don't resist an evildoer. On the contrary, if anyone slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. As for the one who wants to sue you and take away your shirt, let him have your coat as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two.
Matthew 5:39-41 (HCSB)
You have heard that it was said, Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. For He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
Matthew 5:43-45 (HCSB)
But this is too hard you say. I agree. I think apart from a relationship with God through Christ this type of submission is impossible. It requires that you have honor toward Christ, relating to God, and filled by the Spirit.
... but be filled by the Spirit... submitting to one another in the fear of Christ.
Ephesians 5:18 and 21 (HCSB)
The scope of submitting is far beyond what can be summed up in this brief post. What I have done is given you a path. A Path to Peace. Now whether you choose to walk this path is up to you. I pray that you find it and that the Spirit of God so fill you that you arrive safely in God's peace.
God Bless You
Thursday, November 25, 2010
The Ring of Anger
Stuff It
I was speechless and quiet; I kept silent, even from speaking good, and my pain intensified. My heart grew hot within me; as I mused, a fire burned.
Psalms 39:2-3 (HCSB)
When we pretend to not be angry we often feel that we are doing something good. Most people are brought up believing that anger is a bad thing. So if expression of anger is an evil then pretending to not be angry must be a good somewhere between mildly annoyed and not being angry at all. Unfortunately it does not work that way. My observation of people who regularly engaged in stuffing their anger is that they eventually become depressed or at some point erupt with rage and sometime they do both. I like the analogy of a pressure cooker. Eventually the pressure will have to come out somewhere.
Say It Hurtful
A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man holds it in check.
Proverbs 29:11 (HCSB)
Words can be destructive. I recall hearing the saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Harsh words, hostile words, hurtful words are plainly destructive to the soul and wellbeing of the person receiving end of such verbal abuse. The level of hurt is directly tied to the level of trust that existed prior to the careless words. However, even a taunt from one's worst enemy can be hurtful. Verbal attacks seem more desirable than physically hurting somebody, but great psychological pain can be inflicted and embedded with words. When we give "full vent" to our anger it is foolish. It destroys the very things that we hold dear. I tears down the ones we love. It alienates us from others. A wise man never has to apologize for being angry, because he chooses wisely when to speak and when he speaks he carefully chooses his words.
Spread it (I am angry and you should be too)
An angry man stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered man increases rebellion.
Proverbs 29:22 (HCSB)
Misery loves company and so does anger. There are two types of spreading anger: provocation and passive aggressive.
Those that provoke others to anger are often angry themselves. This provocation is either to join them in some angry cause (mob mentality) or to get someone so angry at them that they either look the fool or make the first attack justifying retaliation. In either case it increases rather than diminishes anger. It increases the likelihood of violence.
Passive Aggressive on the other hand is more subtle. It is the action (or inaction) of a person that is hurtful to the other, but without a direct expression of hostility or violence. Most commonly it is failing to act or failing to act in a timely fashion. "Why are you angry with me? I got it done after all!" However, by doing it in a delayed fashion it punishes the other person by having them wait or resisting the expectation to have it done. It can also be the removal of kindness or intimacy as a way to "punish" the other person. It can be engaging in activities that are known to be annoying toward the other person and then being surprised when they are annoyed.
Slam It
A quick-tempered man acts foolishly, and a man who schemes is hated.
Proverbs 14:17 (HCSB)
Physical violence against person or property can have the most dire consequences of all expressions of anger. When anger and rage reaches a point that acting violently is the only choice then anger has controlled the man. These acts are often illegal. The most common act of violence is assault. It is estimated that 4.8 million women and 2.9 million men are assaulted physically or sexually in the US every year1. 1 in 5 women and 1 in 17 men will experience assault from a spouse or in a dating relationship at some point in their life. The impact of this violence is staggering not the least of which is the effect it has on children. Aggression is best predicted by previous acts of violence and being exposed to violence as a child seems to result in greater potential for violence when one is older.
Aside from the obvious damage to the victims of violence, there tend to be significant consequences to the perpetrator even when the victim has not been seriously hurt. I have counseled several couples in which one of the partners ended up in jail after police responded to a domestic violence call. In some cases for just throwing an object at the other person even though the other was not hurt. I don't say this to excuse low threat acts of assault. No quite the opposite. I say it to point out the seriousness of the problems that violence causes.
In short, stuffing it, saying it hurtful, spreading it, and slamming it are four ways that keep anger going, fails to resolve the issue that triggered feelings of anger, and often results in greater consequences for all involved. We have to learn how to better manage this powerful emotion in order that we avoid the inescapable consequences if we do not.
1) Extent, Nature, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence: Findings From the National Violence Against Women Survey
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Anger: The Story of Esther
Image via Wikipedia
Esther is a story of a person that rises above her circumstances to become a powerful influence for the common good. The subtext though is a story of anger unchecked. Let's take a look at the subtext and see if there is anything we can learn from this amazing story.
On the seventh day, when the king was feeling good from the wine, Ahasuerus commanded Mehuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, Abagtha, Zethar, and Carkas, the seven eunuchs who personally served him, to bring Queen Vashti before him with her royal crown. He wanted to show off her beauty to the people and the officials, because she was very beautiful. But Queen Vashti refused to come at the king's command that was delivered by his eunuchs. The king became furious and his anger burned within him.
Esther 1:10-12 (HCSB)
As we jump into this story we right off the bat see vice that is so often associated with anger. Alcohol has been well researched and implicated in aggressive behavior. Alcohol is involved in half of all murders, rapes and assaults by some estimates1. The Bible describes alcohol as a brawler (Prov 20:1). So King Ahasuerus went from feeling good buzz to being angry very quickly.
The second vice here is sexual provocation. The king was not interested in treating his wife as a beautiful fine vessel, but rather as a crude display of sexuality for the entertainment of his guests. He sought to dishonor her by making her into a sex show.
Queen Vashti appropriately refused. However the king's pride was wounded and he became angry that she did not obey his command. His anger was fury and burning. This is the third vice: Prideful anger.
As the story continues we learn something else about anger. Often anger is an expression of the desire to control others in a relationship.
For the queen's action will become public knowledge to all the women and cause them to despise their husbands and say, 'King Ahasuerus ordered Queen Vashti brought before him, but she did not come.' Before this day is over, the noble women of Persia and Media who hear about the queen's act will say the same thing to all the king's officials, resulting in more contempt and fury.
Esther 1:17-18 (HCSB)
The root of misogynistic anger is the desire to control women. The Bible unfortunately has been used to perpetuate this sin against women, but this story stands in testimony against such actions. Anger is often the response when a person has a misplaced desire to control others. It is an expression of emotional immaturity in that "I want it, you have it, so give it to me." It is almost as if the individual never learned while growing up that in order to get along a person has to give a part of themselves contrary to the selfish desires of the flesh. Notice the perversion of respect here. My wife dishonored me, by refusing to dishonor herself at my command. What is more there is a cultural hatred toward women as his wise men are threatened to the point that they want to make an example of the queen.
The result was that the king deposed the queen and sent a message through out the kingdom announcing his judgment in order that women would "honor their husbands (Est 1:20)." This is the message then, "My wife refused to be sexual entertainment at my party. I was angry with her for dishonoring me in this way so I removed her from being queen. So women you better listen to your husbands and do what they say."
After a while the King then goes through a drawn out process to select an new Queen. That person is Esther. Esther's uncle who raised her is Mordecai.
During those days while Mordecai was sitting at the King's Gate, Bigthan and Teresh, two eunuchs who guarded the king's entrance, became infuriated and planned to assassinate King Ahasuerus. When Mordecai learned of the plot, he reported it to Queen Esther, and she told the king on Mordecai's behalf. When the report was investigated and verified, both men were hanged on the gallows. This event was recorded in the Historical Record in the king's presence.
Esther 2:21-23 (HCSB)
We do not know what these two eunuchs were angry about, but notice out of their anger hatched a plot to kill the king. This anger came to the attention of Mordecai who took quick and decisive action to warn the king.
Next we are introduced to Haman. Haman is elevated to a high position in the kingdom. He is very pleased to have others bow down and pay homage to himself. Mordecai is not pleased to do this and refuses.
THE JACKASS IN OFFICE
AN Ass carrying an Image in a religious procession, was driven through a town, and all the people who passed by made a low reverence. Upon this, the Ass supposing that they intended this worship for himself, was mightily puffed up, and would not budge another step. But the driver soon laid the stick across his back, saying at the same time, "You silly dolt! it is not you that they reverence, but the Image which you carry."
Fools take to themselves the respect that is given to their office. 2
Haman's character was soon to be revealed to the king, but notice his reaction to Mordecai's supposed offence.
When Haman saw that Mordecai was not bowing down or paying him homage, he was filled with rage.
Esther 3:5 (HCSB)
His rage spilled over into the ethnic hatred that had existed between Haman's people and Mordecai's people. Haman, a likely descendent of Agag, king of the Amalekites who were the enemies of the Jews (See Est 3:1; 1 Sam 15:8; and Ex 17:8-15), developed a plan to wipe out the Jewish people because Mordecai had refused to bow to him. He used the King to bring about his plot by getting the king to agree to kill off the Jews because they followed different laws.
Next Mordecai finds out about the plan. He goes to Esther to warn her and ask her to talk with the King about this plan.
If you keep silent at this time, liberation and deliverance will come to the Jewish people from another place, but you and your father's house will be destroyed. Who knows, perhaps you have come to your royal position for such a time as this.
Esther 4:14 (HCSB)
Esther agrees to talk with the king and asks that the people to fast while she seeks audience of the King. She plans a banquet for the king and asks that Haman attend. Meanwhile...
That day Haman left full of joy and in good spirits. But when Haman saw Mordecai at the King's Gate, and Mordecai didn't rise or tremble in fear at his presence, Haman was filled with rage toward Mordecai. Yet Haman controlled himself and went home.
Esther 5:9-10 (HCSB)
Haman could not let it go so he and his wife plotted:
His wife Zeresh and all his friends told him, "Have them build a gallows 75 feet high. Ask the king in the morning to hang Mordecai on it. Then go to the banquet with the king and enjoy yourself." The advice pleased Haman, so he had the gallows constructed.
Esther 5:14 (HCSB)
The king could not sleep. He was reading through some records and realized that Mordecai had never been honored for saving his life. He calls Haman to ask him how he can honor. Haman seeking to ask the king to hang Mordecai thinks, "Who could the king want to honor but me." He describes an elaborate plan to honor this person. The king then orders Haman to bestow this honor on Mordecai. Haman's anger is turned to bitterness.
He then attends the feast prepared by Esther. Esther reveals the plot to kill the Jews to the king and then exposes Haman as the author of the plot. Again:
Angered by this, the king arose from where they were drinking wine and went to the palace garden. Haman remained to beg Queen Esther for his life because he realized the king was planning something terrible for him.
Esther 7:7 (HCSB)
The king returns finding Haman lying on the couch with Esther. Haman was prostrate begging for his life. The king however thinks that Haman is attempting to have sex with her. Wanting to defend her honor and repay for the treachery against the Jews the king decides to hang Haman from the very gallows that Haman had built for Mordecai.
They hanged Haman on the gallows he had prepared for Mordecai. Then the king's anger subsided.
Esther 7:10 (HCSB)
As the story continues the King gives the Jews the legal right to take up arms and defend themselves. The crisis of pending genocide is averted and Esther becomes a Jewish national hero.
What are we to learn from this account? Anger is a passionate and destructive emotion. It drives to take action, but that action is not always tempered with sound judgment. In this case anger led to broken relationship, misogyny, plotting murder, violent racism, and eventual death of one of the angry person. On that last one the king is believed to be Xerxes I of secular history. If that is the case then the King was murdered (Matt 26:52). I believe that we can learn to watch out for anger. Great evil can come about in our lives if we do not. We also can learn how Esther in great wisdom handled this angry king in great power of gentleness. It reminds me of the proverb.
A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.
Proverbs 15:1 (HCSB)
One of the most important things to learn from this account is that anger is ultimately destructive to the person themselves. Anger unrestrained overpowers the angry man.
Refrain from anger and give up your rage; do not be agitated-it can only bring harm.
Psalms 37:8 (HCSB)A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man holds it in check.
Proverbs 29:11 (HCSB)Don't let your spirit rush to be angry, for anger abides in the heart of fools.
Ecclesiastes 7:9 (HCSB)
Let us walk wisely as we discern what to do with this power passion and emotional we call anger. God Bless You.
1) http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/abuse/a/blacer030616.htm 2) An argosy of fables
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Judgment (God's Anger, Our Fear)
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Indignation is anger based on the unworthiness of the object of displeasure. In the spiritual realm God indignation is roused by sin in our lives. To be sure God is loving, compassionate, slow to anger, merciful, and gracious. However His indignation cannot be quenched forever. This is especially true when we (His children) do not make the decision to remove those things that are evil from our lives.
The fear of the Lord is this: wisdom. And to turn from evil is understanding.
Job 28:28 (HCSB)
Fear and anger are kin emotions. One leads to attack the other to running away. We trample on the sovereignty of God in our modern sensibility. We exchange the truth "there is none righteous no not one" (Ps 14:1-3; Rom 3:10-12) for the lie "men are basically good." What is even more astounding is that it is a senseless lie. Just open your eyes to see that evil is alive and well in human activity. Listen with your ears to hear heart wrenching stories of the defenseless falling pray to evil. What then can we say? Often we will push the evil away by declaring it to be some form of psychopathology. "Bad people have bad brains" has become the new form of "The devil made me do it." Well if that is the case then we all have bad brains to one degree or another. Does that excuse evil then? Certainly not. Yet what about our sense of justice. Can we legitimately hold a person that has killed multiple times accountable if he has a "bad brain"?
My take is this, that we would find differences in the brain of a person who is a serial killer is not particularly surprising. Not anymore surprising than say finding out that a musicians brain is different from the norm. You see our brain is a collection of learning experiences. A serial killer has unique experiences from the rest of the population. One would expect that there would be a difference. Defining evil in terms of faulty biology though is really dangerous. It may be hard for us to empathize with a serial killer, so what about an adulterer, drunkard, thief, liar, gossip, and so on. What if some day we discover they all have "bad brains" as well. Does it make them any less culpable for their sin?
My point is this. Righteous indignation is rooted in God's righteousness. God has provided a standard for living in the conscience of all of us. Every day our conscience convicts us regarding moral issues. This conscience can become so seared from repeated violations that it loses its effect, yet it stands in conviction of our selves. We are self-condemned with regard to morality. Further, God's standard for living is also recorded in the Bible. I would focus in particular to the section found in Jesus' Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7). In these three chapters we find a life long work to achieve the righteousness of God. Yet even if that were possible to achieve you would have no way to erase the mistakes that you have already made up to this point.
Justice demands payment for wrong doing. It is embedded in the very consciousness of our mind. Certainly our sense of justice can be distorted, but we do not tolerate well when that sense of justice has been violated. We become indignant and demand our rights or the rights of others be up held. We demand that perpetrators be brought to justice. The criminal offences be punished and civil offences lead to restitution. If we in our feeble ways and imperfection can demand justice then how arrogant is it to suppose that God in is almighty ways and in his perfection is some how evil when he judges?
Fear God indeed. We ought to pay attention. The righteous anger of God is being stored up against the ungodly and unrepentant. We too ought to be gravely offended when we see the justice of God being perverted whether within the church or outside. Anger is purifying if it is according the the righteousness and justice of God. This is fiery rhetoric to be sure, but God's anger is a consuming fire.